Friday, January 9, 2015

Your Zodiac Sign and if you think if fits your personality

I’m a Leo in the zodiac world. 

I think it does fit my personality as Leos are supposed to be outgoing and ambitious. Especially when I was younger I definitely fit the bill as someone who wanted to be centre stage. I was always outgoing and ready to meet the world and the people in it.

I think I’m still that way but I’m also a bit of an introvert. I like to be alone (however now thinking about it, I always want to be social as well) and depending on what it is I don’t mind working by myself.

I’m also a likeable person. I don’t know if people are drawn to me but I am always able to make them laugh and I can get along with almost anyone. 

Leo’s are also very creative and I can say that fits my personality very well. I don’t think I’m creative in the strictest sense (I’m no art student) but I think I’m able to think outside of the box and come up with creative ideas and pieces that I’m proud of. 

“Lions are outgoing, self-assured and have a tremendous zest for life.” I can agree with that though I think I bring a healthy dose of realism into that. I can doubt myself big time especially when it comes to my looks. I do however have a zest for life. I love travelling and being involved in various things. There are so many things that interest me I can’t take it all in at once. 

All of the attributes that Leo’s have I see in myself, even if they are buried deep inside. These are all things that draw me and attributes that I’d like to live up to. I think at the end of the day my zodiac sign might be something to live up to and strive for. Life has kicked me down and I need to step up my game and get back in. 

30 Interesting facts about yourself

This was surprisingly hard to do. I didn't really think I could come up with this many. It's surprising what you don't realize about yourself or what you think you do that is interesting.

  1. I didn’t always have my beauty mark. It was my first chicken pox when I was 9
  2. I have watched all 10 seasons of Stargate, including all the Atlantis seasons
  3. Sometimes my mind pushes back from my body and I can see myself and my thoughts as something separate from me.
  4. I don’t see any problem with sharing a toothbrush
  5. I have traveled the world backpacking
  6. I love to sing but am terrified to sing on stage with someone
  7. I am very organized at planning trips and group activities
  8. I talk to my cats on a regular basis
  9. I love to read, almost anything, and i secretly love reading teen fiction
  10. My hair is normally blonde, however I’d love to dye it purple and shave one side
  11. I’m terrified that i’m going to end up fat like my mom
  12. Every time it rains I love staring out the window at it
  13. I honestly don’t think I have a best friend, in the girl sense of things. My boyfriends are usually my best friends
  14. I have a bucketlist that i’d like to complete by the time I’m 40
  15. I have a theory that my relationships, be it friends or boyfriends, only last a max of 2 years before they fall apart
  16. I am in love with cilantro
  17. I’ve never had a romantic night or candlelight dinner that I haven’t planned myself
  18. I love surprises but have never been surprised
  19. When I was younger for a long time I wanted to live in a tree among wolves
  20. I love riding horses and am actually very good at it
  21. Until about a year ago I had never done any drugs before
  22. While I crave the idea, I don’t know if I’m cut out for the cookie cutter style of life
  23. I would love to have a kid but don’t think my life is ever going to get together enough for me to be ok with having one
  24. When I moved to Canada I saw seagulls and thought we were near the ocean
  25. I am not a girly girl and have no idea how to use most makeup
  26. I love to be in water and am an excellent swimmer
  27. When I get scared or nervous I tend to stop breathing
  28. I don’t think I have a real passion yet
  29. Though I’m from an island I dislike sand and coconuts
  30. I don’t mind being alone or going to things alone

Where I see myself in 10 years

As easy as this one is I find it very hard for me as well. Over the years I’ve realized of course I can make up lists of things I want to be and where I want to be but the actuality of these things and getting there may not be achievable or at least are very far fetched. 

I’ve always been someone who’s very truthful to myself and know myself pretty well. So when thinking of where I’m going to be and if I can get there I’m hesitant to go wild on it. Maybe that makes me very pessimistic. Maybe I’ve lost the excitement and drive to as Arbonners say to “Dream Big”. Can I do it? Do I simply not believe enough or am not driven enough to achieve them?

I have thought about where I’d like to be in 5 years. I’d like to buy a house and have some savings. Recently I’ve set some Arbonne goals and would like to be a RVP or NVP by 5 years. 

In 10 years I see myself living with Alejandro, maybe married. I’d love to have a kid however that does scare me a lot. Most of all I want to be financially stable. I’ve been working at that for years now and think i’ve found something positive to sink my teeth into that could get me there. I’d love to be able to take month long vacations each year somewhere and cross some things off my bucket list that way.

In 10 years I hope to be in advanced yoga and able to run a marathon, or at least have these be daily habits of mine.  I also want to be a more positive person and be able to dream bigger and help others dream bigger as well.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

A moment I felt most satisfied with my life

There are very few times you can really look at your life and say theres when it was all together, theres when everything was perfect. However I’m a firm believer that not everything has to be perfect anyway.

The moment I felt most satisfied with my life would probably be when I was travelling. It was the only time I wasn’t worried about money or where I was going with my life, or even guys for that matter. I was just having fun and experiencing life. It was nice to find new places and new people and simply do that, work to do more of it, and that’s it. The downside to that is that at the end because I didn’t think of finances, I had no savings or cushion. It also meant that while I was experiencing life and things I wasn’t really working on myself or my mindset. 

I wasn’t rich or living the high life but I was happy. These experiences changed my life and how I live it. Having been open and okay with getting out of my comfort zone allowed me to learn and grow and most of all meet incredible people.

Even shorter trips fill me with a sense of excitement and satisfaction (which is something I don’t feel very often anymore). And while money and relationships run most of my life having something that truly excites me is defiantly something worthwhile.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Two Worlds

I am a person trapped between two worlds. I always have been I guess. It was a lot easier when I was little cus I would simply be where my parents are. But now that I am grown it’s not that simple. This is becoming a bigger and bigger problem in my life.

I was born in Bermuda and lived there till I was about twelve. My family then moved to Waterloo Ontario in Canada. I went to junior high and high school there and have lived, off and on, in Canada ever since.  My family however one by one moved back and I have been going back and forth for years.

So that’s where I am. It would be different if I didn’t have memories of living in Bermuda, never went back there every summer, or had family there. But I have a life there, no matter how small.

There are so many things I love in both places, but they are two very different places.  It’s hard for me to choose. It’s especially hard when each has events that I love to participate in. There are distinct feels to each place.

In Canada I am in a big city, the world is my oyster. I could go anywhere, do anything. It’s a cheaper, easier and faster world. I am independent and have made my own life here, with work, school and travels. My boyfriend of 3 years is here and not anticipating moving anytime soon. He doesn’t even like travelling all that much. I have my own place and furniture and it’s an affordable place to be.  I love the city and also the country and Canada provides both.

But it is a cold place (of course) and sometimes a lonely one. I’m also not very mobile and have had to pass on numerous road trips and even a couple weddings because I couldn’t get around. It’s also not a place where people let go very often. I’ve often remarked on how hard it would be to put on that same kind of events Bermuda has in Canada. I can’t just go to the beach or have a house party or barbeque.

Bermuda is a much smaller place. While I give up my independence I do become way more mobile. I have a bike and can go anywhere at any time. I love the colors and beauty of the island. You are always five minutes from the beach or a park. I also love how town is a cute condensed place to be. Things aren’t spread out all over the island. The element of social activity is predominant here. People are always up for dinner or drinks or barbeques. Having a house and backyard as well is a freedom I don’t have here.

On the downside it is a small place. There is not much to do there so you can get stuck in spending and drinking a lot. I usually gain so much weight when I go down cus the only thing to do is go out. It’s an expensive place when that’s all you’re doing. If I ever lived there it would be absurdly pricy (furniture, apt, transportation etc.). Finally my family lives there and while I love them they can be annoying. They don’t really know me or understand me so it’s hard to constantly be pushed to do stuff.

I have recently started working for my sister. Her company is in Bermuda and it is a great opportunity to get experience and make some money. I’m also happy to help her gain more clients and business.

This is where I really feel the pull between the two places. I work from home in Toronto which is working for now but there are things that would be easier if I was at the office. However the thought of moving down there seems so daunting.

It’s a lot to think about and decide on. I still don’t know. When I’m here I’m home but when I go to Bermuda that fits too. I think it’s something that I’m always going to have to deal with. They’re both never not going to be home.

Sunday, February 5, 2012


I recently watch a TED talk on the subject of happiness and it got me to thinking about mine. I guess that’s a question everyone asks themselves every day: Will this make me happy? Am I happy? Etc… But I don’t think many of us really truly look at it from a deeper stand point. I mean other than regarding the current moment; we don’t ever take a step back and analyze our lives at a whole.

The talk was recommended to me by my boyfriend, not because he thinks I’m unhappy but because he knows I enjoy travel and it’s used as an example. 

The speaker’s main point was that we should separate our experience self and our memory self, and both have differences in happiness.  Or more clearly it’s the difference between us experiencing something and being happy in the present moment to moment and having a memory of an experience and how pleased we are with our remembered lives.

So the money question is am I happy? And most importantly what is happiness to me?

Truth is I’m not happy in my daily life. Most of my experience daily is a succession of let downs. Mostly because I set goals or expectations that I don’t live up to and I punish myself and feel bad for not doing better.
It’s a catch 22, I feel overwhelmed or unhappy trying to live up to these tasks or failing to do so; or because I worked so hard, went through adversity the reward makes me very happy.  So should I be unhappy in the moment to have a happier memory in the end?

This is mostly spurred on by money, health or accomplishing larger life goals. So is it just me that is not fulfilling my own dreams and experiences, ie I’m ruining my own happy experience?

I think in part it is. In terms of money I do feel happier when I have more money and am not worrying about making ends meet. When I was earning more I found I was more motivated and easier going with my daily life. So I was happy in one way. However I was miserable in my job and that unhappiness branched out into other aspects of my life. So was I really happy? I don’t think so.  And more so now that I am making less but am in a job that I like for a number of reasons I find I’m happier but also have to deal with the troubles of financial woe.

The speaker did mention that money does play a role in experiential happiness. For people that earn $60,000 their experiences and happiness during them don’t rise the more money they make, however people who earn less get more and more unhappy in their experiences in the struggle to make ends meet.  Both may have happy memories and be happy with their lives but their present moments of experience are unhappy. Is this happening with me?

Now besides money, I am a person spurred on by life experiences. I have been working on my bucket list and find while I am afraid and not having the best moment to moment experience at the time, the feeling of accomplishment and memory of the occurrences to me are worth it. So in that case I am very happy with my remembered life and memories. I don’t need to have a in the moment happy experience.

In terms of my traveling and love of doing it I think it hits both aspects of happiness. It is defiantly something I do for the memories and experiences and I remember them with fond recollection. I feel happy with my life for going around the world and doing strange things. My adventures make for good stories and connections with other people. Strangely I am also happy in the moment. During my travels I’m able to step back and appreciate what I’m experiencing. This is probably one part of my life where I am happy all the time before, during and after. That may be why I love doing it over and over again.

So what’s worth more to me? Current or remembered happiness? Deep down I believe my memories and remembered experiences are who I am and make a difference in how I act in the current moment.

Am I happy with my life? Yes I think I am. I’ve accomplished and done so many things I can only be happy with my memories. These have formed me into a person I am proud of. The thing I have to remember is to stop and smell the roses every once in a while. I need to make sure I live in the moment more and ensure I’m happy with it.

What do you think? What makes you happy?

Something to think about

I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love. I felt in myself a superabundance of energy which found no outlet in our quiet life.

- leo Tolstoy