Yeah I said Nude. Everyone who’s ever looked at a trashy tabloid is now thinking what! Why? Don’t do it! Nude pictures always come back to haunt those famous people. So what’s up with actually wanting to do and then have naked pictures of myself? Why Not?!
When I first sat down to write a bucket list my main goal was two things: to accomplish something I’d always wanted to do and never did, and to push myself to accomplish the things I never did because I was scared or uncomfortable. The goal was to get out of my comfort zone, do something bold, get a rush.
So again, yeah I’m saying nude photo shoot. This one defiantly followed the pushing myself goal.
When I was younger I had so much confidence in myself, I was seldom scared of doing something. Even when I was picked on that didn’t stop me from doing what I wanted to do. But now, as an adult, that confidence was rocked. After surviving an awkward and slightly geeky high school experience and later on a horrible and long relationship it was hanging on by a thread.
Not to say I’m a secret cutter or anything but as for most people body image and confidence stops them from doing a lot.
It was my horrible and long relationship that gave me a body image complex. I gained a lot of weight and even after losing it my partner was lets just say unsupportive (asshole or abusive could be other words to use but we’re being nice here so unsupportive). He made me feel worthless. I forgot who I was. This vivacious and confident person.
I have gotten a lot of that back and finally feel like the old me. And I am so happy to be with someone who loves me and all my round and fleshy bits, every butt dimple and roll. So knowing that gives me a massive boost in ego.
Now I know I’m not ugly. I don’t want to sound full of myself, cus we just went through why I’m not, but I’m not deluded or thinking I’m an ugly hippo or something. I’m pretty. And normal in height and weight.
So when I thought about doing a nude photo shoot I felt it would push me, show me how beautiful I am, and be an experience I’d always remember (I’d have pictures after all!). Having a body image complex and not very close family or girlfriends I was uncomfortable with the idea of being naked in front of people. I had never done it before with anyone but a boyfriend. Even in changing rooms being topless was weird for me so this was going to be a big leap. That was my main reason, pushing my comfort zone, getting over this absurd fear.
The other reason was I think every girl dreams of having a photo shoot done. Where she’s glammed up, hair and makeup done, and feels like a million bucks. It’s glamorous and exciting. Were you’re the centre of attention and afterwards you have these photos of you that make you look amazing. They are the best view of yourself. I wanted to have that experience.
I especially was looking forward to the photos. To have something that showed how beautiful, sexy, exotic maybe I was. To remind me. I don’t think I photograph well so having a pro do it and touch them up seemed the best possible way of getting them.
I had looked up photographers and defiantly wanted someone not dodgy. I wanted to make sure I felt comfortable with them. Near Christmas I had found a great photographer online. It was a girl, which made me more comfortable, and she had an amazing portfolio that looked professional and classy.
In our emails and such, she came across as friendly and approachable. It was a lot of money but if I was going to do it I’d rather have someone I like and someone good. Randomly I checked her website and she had a special shoot deal that I just had to jump on. An hour shoot at the Soho Hotel for half the price of her normal shoot was a steal.
So the day of I got my hair done and did my make up. I kind of felt like a call girl getting a text with the hotel room number and going up but it turned out well when I got there. It was a really pretty suite and Katie and another girl photographer were there. They both had clients and would act as the other’s assistant while shooting.
I had brought some outfits and they picked out blankets etc and locations and then we got started. I was nervous but as I was starting mostly clothed (bra and thong) I sucked it up and jumped in. With two outfit changed I went from scantily clothed to not at all and man where did I get the courage to do that!
By the end I was very comfortable; although not the best at the sucking it in awkward posing that was involved. So after the hour I got dressed and headed back home with this feeling of happiness. I couldn’t believe I did it, accomplished it. Regardless of what the photos turned out I felt I changed my view point about myself. I’m a little more peppy, sexy, and confident.
A couple of weeks later I got 5 contact sheets with all the photos on it. I was shocked at how they turned out. I had no idea I could look like that. Picking my top five favorites I sent them back to get edited and photoshoped. I am so glad I got the chance to do this. I now have something to look at forever that reminds me that I’m a bold, gutsy, sexy, woman who believes in herself and can do anything she puts her mind to.
