5. Do A Nude Photo Shoot (accomplished June 26th, 2011)

Yeah I said Nude. Everyone who’s ever looked at a trashy tabloid is now thinking what! Why? Don’t do it! Nude pictures always come back to haunt those famous people. So what’s up with actually wanting to do and then have naked pictures of myself?  Why Not?!

When I first sat down to write a bucket list my main goal was two things: to accomplish something I’d always wanted to do and never did, and to push myself to accomplish the things I never did because I was scared or uncomfortable. The goal was to get out of my comfort zone, do something bold, get a rush.

So again, yeah I’m saying nude photo shoot. This one defiantly followed the pushing myself goal.

When I was younger I had so much confidence in myself, I was seldom scared of doing something. Even when I was picked on that didn’t stop me from doing what I wanted to do. But now, as an adult, that confidence was rocked. After surviving an awkward and slightly geeky high school experience and later on a horrible and long relationship it was hanging on by a thread.

Not to say I’m a secret cutter or anything but as for most people body image and confidence stops them from doing a lot.

It was my horrible and long relationship that gave me a body image complex. I gained a lot of weight and even after losing it my partner was lets just say unsupportive (asshole or abusive could be other words to use but we’re being nice here so unsupportive). He made me feel worthless. I forgot who I was. This vivacious and confident person.

I have gotten a lot of that back and finally feel like the old me. And I am so happy to be with someone who loves me and all my round and fleshy bits, every butt dimple and roll. So knowing that gives me a massive boost in ego.

Now I know I’m not ugly. I don’t want to sound full of myself, cus we just went through why I’m not, but I’m not deluded or thinking I’m an ugly hippo or something. I’m pretty. And normal in height and weight.

So when I thought about doing a nude photo shoot I felt it would push me, show me how beautiful I am, and be an experience I’d always remember (I’d have pictures after all!). Having a body image complex and not very close family or girlfriends I was uncomfortable with the idea of being naked in front of people. I had never done it before with anyone but a boyfriend. Even in changing rooms being topless was weird for me so this was going to be a big leap. That was my main reason, pushing my comfort zone, getting over this absurd fear.

The other reason was I think every girl dreams of having a photo shoot done. Where she’s glammed up, hair and makeup done, and feels like a million bucks. It’s glamorous and exciting. Were you’re the centre of attention and afterwards you have these photos of you that make you look amazing. They are the best view of yourself. I wanted to have that experience.

I especially was looking forward to the photos. To have something that showed how beautiful, sexy, exotic maybe I was. To remind me. I don’t think I photograph well so having a pro do it and touch them up seemed the best possible way of getting them.

I had looked up photographers and defiantly wanted someone not dodgy. I wanted to make sure I felt comfortable with them. Near Christmas I had found a great photographer online. It was a girl, which made me more comfortable, and she had an amazing portfolio that looked professional and classy.

In our emails and such, she came across as friendly and approachable. It was a lot of money but if I was going to do it I’d rather have someone I like and someone good. Randomly I checked her website and she had a special shoot deal that I just had to jump on. An hour shoot at the Soho Hotel for half the price of her normal shoot was a steal.

So the day of I got my hair done and did my make up. I kind of felt like a call girl getting a text with the hotel room number and going up but it turned out well when I got there. It was a really pretty suite and Katie and another girl photographer were there. They both had clients and would act as the other’s assistant while shooting.

I had brought some outfits and they picked out blankets etc and locations and then we got started. I was nervous but as I was starting mostly clothed (bra and thong) I sucked it up and jumped in. With two outfit changed I went from scantily clothed to not at all and man where did I get the courage to do that!

By the end I was very comfortable; although not the best at the sucking it in awkward posing that was involved. So after the hour I got dressed and headed back home with this feeling of happiness. I couldn’t believe I did it, accomplished it. Regardless of what the photos turned out I felt I changed my view point about myself. I’m a little more peppy, sexy, and confident.

A couple of weeks later I got 5 contact sheets with all the photos on it. I was shocked at how they turned out. I had no idea I could look like that. Picking my top five favorites I sent them back to get edited and photoshoped. I am so glad I got the chance to do this. I now have something to look at forever that reminds me that I’m a bold, gutsy, sexy, woman who believes in herself and can do anything she puts her mind to.

Getting Older

I am verging on late twenties. Eek. Ok so I know twenty seven isn’t that bad but when I was younger I defiantly had an idea that thirty was old and by then I’d have things all figured out. I’m starting to think, you never figure things out. It’s more of a stumble through. But back to the original topic who am I. Oh yeah verging on late twenties.

I think it was a couple of years ago that I looked around and realized everyone was living these lives that were totally different from mine. Everyone was graduating, buying houses, getting real jobs, some even kids or marriage. Where was I? When did we all decide to get here in our lives? And why didn’t I feel a part of it?

I think this was when I grew up. I didn’t think about my life very much before. Not that I didn’t wonder what I wanted to do job wise or things like that, I mean I don’t think I ever stopped and looked at the bigger picture. From the time I thought it as a kid to the time I am now, I never thought of marriage, kids, the whole lot as something that had a time limit or maybe needed to be planned out. I just thought it’d happen. Thought of it as the future, way in the future, when I was older.

But now everyone around me was doing just this. I looked around and thought should I be this person? I decided against it. I am not one to go with the crowd or change who I inherently am. But it did open my eyes. I should grow up. Even just a little.

This is the time when I really think I should buckle down and be a grown up. But who wants to do that.

I had traveled for six years after I graduated high school and so when I came back I felt a little lost. Everyone had moved on in their lives and were so far ahead of where most think you should be at my age. I took the road less traveled and, while I had an amazing time and gain so many experiences, I couldn’t help but now feel like I’m racing to catch up. To the big picture, whatever that is. I just need to find it. Making it a reality? Now that’s the hard part.

Play with a cub (Accomplished June 2nd, 2011)

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Travel Choices

Every time someone hears about my travels I inevitably get asked the same question: What is your favorite place? Where is the best place you’ve been (or some version of this)

Now this always puts me in a bad spot. The truth is I couldn’t tell you.

Let me give you some details. After I graduated high school I decided to go to Europe to backpack for a couple of months. Those couple of months turned into couple of years, and next thing I knew I had backpacked for over four years to almost 40 countries.

I’ve given a lot of thought into it and what place I would choose. There are a lot of places that I’ve been, some I loved and some I didn’t. But in my opinion the places that I’ve loved the most have been the ones I could picture living in. The ones I’ve taken the time to sit back, relax and just take in the city.

Most times I find you can get wrapped up in going around seeing the sights that you just don’t get to sit back and take in the actual place. So I’ve thought about it and made my best choices.

1. Paris

Beautiful. Not only does Paris have that relaxing just take in the city feel but it has sights and museums you can’t stop going to. A bit of a history nut I love going here. Every part of the city is seeping with some sort of story. And if you don’t like that kind of stuff there is always the food. Mmmm the food…

2. New York

Who doesn’t love this mecca? So full of arts, fashion, music and so much more. I feel like you could come here over and over again and still not full absorb the city. It has so many things to see and so many boroughs that are unique in their own way. Besides the movie and TV sights, you could spend a week just checking out all the cultural things around town. I love myself a bustling city and this one provides just that.

3. Australia Outback

I wouldn’t call myself a huge outdoors person but it’s hard to not get into the spirit of this place. So awe inspiring and massive it’s a combination of beautiful and deadly. I think I loved this place so much because it’s so out of your normal routine. Between hikes, camping outside, learning Aboriginal ways, taking in sunrises and sunsets, eating strange meat, and swimming in gorges that may or may not have crocs in it you really start to get into the swing of things. I love the live off the land type feel and couldn’t get enough of it.

4. London

This is defiantly where the people made the place. I live here for the longest so I was able to meet so many unique people. Having the time to go out and make memories in such a crazy city was amazing. I am also a nook and cranny person and the UK is full of that. London is so seeped in history and culture it’s hard to be bored here. It is also a great centre for travel, you are able to go anywhere pretty easily. I doubt I would love it the same way though with out the people I met there.

What do you think? What is your favorite place?

My love of Sci-Fi

Ok I’m going to admit it. I have a bit of an affinity for sci fi. Well maybe more than that. I think it’s got some good qualities…Okay I love it; you got it out of me. And I’m not talking about the cheesy aliens hard core weirdness of some shows and movies that we see everyday. I’m talking give me some wicked 90’s cheesy gold of a sci fi show.

I think it dates back to when I was young. My parents always read fantasy children’s books to me and I played alone, a lot. Imagination was my friend so naturally the thought of elves, gateways, magic, or other worlds didn’t faze me too much. It could be possible, why not? At least it was entertaining and far more interesting than our normal boring world.

So, now a grown woman, I’ve recently picked up my sci fi habit again and to be honest I’m loving it! That’s right guys, I’ve embraced the cheese. Let me just give you a short list of the Tv shows I have in my possession: all seasons of Stargate SG1 and the Atlantis, all seasons of Sliders (oh yeah Jerry how you rock my 90’s heart), Heros, Firefly, Buffy seasons, True Blood seasons, something called Kyle XY, regrettably sucked into Vampire Diaries, and I’ve even caught myself pulled into a Star Trek episode (however please don’t judge me as a treky). That’s not including the books which even I, a self admitted sci fi lover, can’t claim as nothing more than a nerd alert haha.

Just finishing the last season of Sliders I can’t help but remark on the awesomely lame effects and (sometimes) plot lines that I find myself loving anyway. I think this translates to all of the shows, which looking back all seem to be created in the 90’s. Yes the styles, the music, and the ridiculous overuse of lasers. The 90’s was where it all happened. So at least it's fun to watch even if your not a big fan.

So for all those who question sci fi and bulk at it’s awesomeness just think of the possibilities. It’s an escape into something you’ve never seen before and makes it more than entertaining to watch. If that doesn’t convince you then at least it’s a good laugh while watching, hey who doesn’t love a little bit of topless Jerry O’Connell.

Epic Nights

I’ve been thinking lately about epic nights out. Recently I watched The Hangover. You know the drunken binge of a night of ridiculous that none of them remember so much that they lost a whole person movie. Thinking about it this movie is kind of like Dude Where’s My Car with just better writing and replacing a car with a living person, wow people way to be creative.

In any case watching The Hangover made me try to remember my own drunken evenings. How often can we really say we’ve had an epic night? I was out the other day for a friend’s birthday and while I watched my friend drunkenly make out with a total stranger on the only whim that he was dancing close-ish I wondered, what makes a night amazing? How do you reach that level of epic? Is this night epic? I’m gonna throw out a no.

While I think these memorable nights are based on a certain level of drunkenness (and believe you me I have been working on the levels of my drunkenness for a while!) I don’t think a night of debauchery and epic-ness happens often at all.

In all my years of semi intoxication (who am I kidding full intoxication) and nocturnal shenanigans I can only count a handful of nights of epic proportions.

1. The German Ensemble

On this festive occasion, my friends Blair and I had purchased matching Oktoberfest costumes (his a lederhosen and mine a dirndl). You know those oh so sexy German milk maid dresses and overall looking shorts. These were most importantly stag shop velour Oktoberfest outfits. Oh yeah, as I said sexy.

During the night I was drunkenly convinced that my friend was going to make out with her cousin and refused to stay at her house. So I proceeded to pick up the guy I was talking to and grab a ride with him back to near where I lived. Unfortunately for me the “ride” I had thought was a cab was really a bus full of his pretty sober co-workers. We created a pretty elaborate back story about how this guy and I knew each other and I hopped on. Again, alas, I was the only one wearing any Oktoberfest paraphernalia (who goes to a beer hall and doesn’t even don a feathered hat? So who are they to judge my velour dirndl and giant feather? Bastards). I ended up making a good impression and went to their bar for after hours drinks. Needless to say I did not make it for class in the am.

As for Blair he had a great night too. While he was concerned about our friends “closeness” to her cousin he still went back with the rest of them to her place to crash (class was in the am and she lived near campus). In the morning Blair got up for class. He had passed out on the floor in his costume and when he woke up he could not find his glasses or normal clothes (they were right next to where he was laying). So that being said he proceeded to class on schedule, sat in the back of class hung-over, with two large cups of coffee in each hand, and his laptop in his green velour lederhosen for the 3 hours and then caught the bus home. Epic and hilarious.

2.  The Switch-a-roo aka The Sleeping Slip

While I was living at a hostel in the UK I was moving around rooms and beds for weeks. I ended up in a room with a good friend and a guy switched beds with me so we could share a bunk bed (her on the top bunk and me on the bottom). After a long night of dancing and beverages of the alcoholic nature I went upstairs and crashed in my bunk.

A few hours later I woke up to someone making out with me. Strangely though I thought I was dreaming of a guy I liked. After a minute, and waking up a bit more, I realized it was not a dream. I thought I was making out with the guy I liked and thought yay! And got more into it. After another minute, and now fully awake, I felt this guy’s face and realized wait a minute! This isn’t him! He doesn’t have an eyebrow ring.

Now fully awake I came to the realization that I was making out with a total stranger, and had been for at least five minutes, in the dark. Not that the making out wasn’t good but hey weird with a stranger. My decision was to feign drunkenness and shove him towards to other bunk like I was done with him, mumbling get into your own bed. He as drunk (or more so) as I passed out right away and was gone from the other bunk when I woke up.

So that is how I made out with a complete stranger in the dark. I am guessing it was the guy who switched with me and he drunkenly forgot that it wasn’t his bunk. It was just a plus that he found a girl in it when he got there. But alas to this day I can’t remember what he looked like.

3. The Sober Drunk

I had been traveling in New Zealand for a couple of months and had come back to Waterloo for a couple of days before flying home to Bermuda. If you hadn’t heard the jet lag coming back east is terrible and I was suffering big time!

What to do in two days in Waterloo? Party that’s what! I gathered up my girls and we hit the proverbial town. Now Waterloo’s not a huge hot spot but we did find “The Flying Dog” and decided to put on our dancing shoes. Donned in heels and my favorite little black dress I prepared for a long night.

I had stopped drinking for a while when I was in NZ so that night I hadn’t had any drinks. I was, for the whole time, completely sober. We proceeded to dance, a lot. I mean pros would be tired after all the dancing we did. And with heels I was extra proud of us. From 9 till 2am we carved up the dance floor and scoped out “the talent”.

Picking up some people and an odd but nice guy we dubbed DJ Random we left the bar for some after hours drinks. After potentially the longest cab ride ever we ended up at DJ Random’s place. Pumping up the music we proceeded to party what was left of the night away. As I was jet lagged I was wide awake. I’ve never had that much energy going out before, and let me just say my moves were on fire!

We rolled out of DJ Random’s about 6:30am and on the drive back, still were super pumped. For about 2 minutes we seriously thought about continuing on the party and driving to Niagara Falls (where I was flying out the next day). But after some reason from the driver we decided against and all went home for some r-n-r.  I think that was the first time I’ve ever partied that hard with out any alcohol, and it certainly was the longest!

4. Random Strangers

I had just traveled to New Zealand with my friend Yanna and were staying at our friend Greg’s place. After a long road trip we came back to Greg’s place to bunk down but couldn’t seem to find him or his roommate.  Setting our stuff down we walked a couple houses down to see if we could find his best friend Kieran.

Again not finding Kieran we did however run into his four male roommates. Meeting them for the first time we made quick friends and decided to have some drinks with them.

Drinks turned into drinking games. Really getting into the party spirit we jumped in one of the boys trucks and headed to the local bar on campus. With some dancing and very country town drinking (they have a meat auction, actually auction off slabs of meat at the bar wow talk about small country town) we drank and partied, drank and partied till the bar closed.

After falling in some bushes and piling in the back of the truck we cranked the music to its top volume and drove (more recklessly than necessary, our DD was pretty stupid) down the “main” street in town.

Skidding slash donuting on to the front lawn we poured out of the truck. Next thing I knew the doors were open, speakers blaring and we were dancing on the front lawn. I blinked and all of a sudden we all had drinks, blinked again and Kieran was there, blinked again and he was downstairs drink in hand. What was going on! Next I looked up and everyone was topless. So there we were topless and dancing on the front lawn of our host’s best friend with four strangers (pretty much) on one of the most random unplanned nights ever.

After some calming down we went inside to chill and have more drinks. We ended up having to bribe the boys with pancakes to get outta there.

2. Get a Brazilian Wax (Oct 14^th, 2010 accomplished)

It’s embarrassing I know. The idea of waxing some part of your body is always a little awkward and done a little hush-hush. And it always seems to be a bit of a taboo no-no when it comes to talking about it. It admits to people that you are shh… hairy, that you are not perfect. And who wants to admit to themselves, let alone other people, that they aren’t ideal. Which is a ridiculous idea because of course you are not perfect and people don’t want you to be. Maybe it’s that stereotype that has been engrained in us since we were little. Women are supposed to be smooth and sexy, men expect it. So waxing is done but maybe not so much flaunted or talked about.

So here I am. Embarrassed. Not only was I going for a wax but I was going all the way (or as far as you can go in the waxing world). They call it a Brazilian.  It is the most known of bikini waxes, and involves the removal of all hair in the pelvic area, front and back, while sometimes leaving a thin strip of hair in front. Now being a novice in the waxing world I have never gotten anything done before. It’s only been a couple of years since I started getting my eyebrows done. So the idea of a Brazilian was a crazy one.

Now I’m not going to lie. I was also terrified, embarrassed and terrified. Cus not only was it an area not talked about it was going to hurt…a lot. As I mentioned before I had gotten my eyebrows waxed numerous times and had endured one underarm waxing that I almost stopped in pain.  They all hurt, every time. Now that was something I had gotten used to. It wasn’t too bad. But let’s just say the area I’m talking about now…way more sensitive.

The underarms I figured were similar in sensitivity so I did that first as a try. It killed and hurt so bad I almost made her stop. Granted I feel the place wasn’t the nicest and didn’t have good wax. So I convinced myself that it wasn’t an accurate description of how it would feel.

To deter that incident again I decided to go to my salon in Waterloo where I get my hair done. They have a pretty nice spa and I’ve gotten my eyebrows done there with very little pain. I was sure my experience there would be a better one. So it was a whole day at the salon and spa for me.

Getting there I was nervous and told them so a lot. I undressed and they gave me a paper thong like thing to put on. This above all was the weird thing for me. It was so loose and large (I’m guessing one size fits all) it just seemed a bit of a moot point. But I guess it gives people a sense of privacy. With a special kind of pink wax my lady waxed away my privates till I was bald.

Taking longer than I thought let me assure you, it hurt. Oh my god it hurt. It was the scene from 40 year old virgin and I was cussing out the spa lady. This was a bit awkward as she was 7 months pregnant and I threatened to maim her. But we both got by unharmed, relatively as I was in pain.

I immediately felt very naked. I don’t know why but I was very aware now of my neither regions. After a day or two I did tend to like it. It was nice not having to keep it trimmed and pretty and I didn’t have to worry about shaving for weeks. And may I add the boyfriend didn’t mind it a bit, it was only rave reviews in the bedroom.

I don’t know if I ever mentioned why I wanted to do this. Why go through all this pain, especially when I know that it is going to hurt before hand. The answer..I don’t really know. I think it was I was afraid, I knew it was most likely going to hurt a lot and I wanted to conquer my fears. Facing fears, isn’t that was all this bucket list is about. Doing something you normally wouldn’t. I also thought it’d be a win win as not only would I be facing my fear and pain but I also wouldn’t have to the chore of maintaining that area.

In the end, while embarrassing and very awkward it was worth it. I did feel so excited that I accomplished my goal. A painful experience I don’t know if I would do it again, however I do entertain the idea every once in a while.

1. Donate blood (Sept 23^rd Accomplished)

Now I know this doesn’t sound like such a big deal. A lot of people give blood and do it often. Not too life accomplishing or goal worthy. But for me it was just this; A goal on my bucket list and something that I thought of as terrifying.

I don’t know why I wanted to do this so badly but I did know that it scared me. In my books doing something that scares you, getting over that fear, is something to strive for. So donating blood was put in as the first thing on my list.

Why did it scare me so much? A lot of reasons I guess. I had given blood once before years ago in high school and I don’t remember having any trepidation about it. But I do remember getting very sick afterwards. There was an adventure of blacking out and throwing up on multiple occasions that day at school. Fun. After that I was sick for months. Nothing serious but life wasn’t too great. Even with that I don’t think it was the reason I was so afraid of donating blood. A big reason was needles. Who isn’t scared of needles, and this one is big and stays in your arm for a while.

When I sat down to make the list this was something I knew I wanted to try it again. Firstly to get over my fear but also to help people. I know giving blood is important and saves lives. In my own little way this will help and in the end I know if I was ever hurt and needed it someone did it for me. It was a karma thing I guess in my head.

So one fateful Thursday I headed down to the King and University blood clinic. There was a lot of bulking but Mike kept me in line and going to the clinic. It’s strange how easy it is to say you’re going to do something and how hard it is to follow through. That’s why I love Mike so much. He gives me the gumption, the motivation to follow through.

There is some prep you should do before just heading to give blood, and from my last experience I wasn’t taking any chances. If you want to give blood you have to take care of you. For instance no gym on blood day. Most importantly food is key. You have to make sure you have a good big meal before you go. One that is high in iron and protein is the best way. We had a huge steak stir-fry with heaps of pro iron veggies and I indulged in some sugar as well.

The clinic was pretty empty so I didn’t have to worry about not having an appointment. After filling out a bunch of questions mostly regarding sexual matters or using drugs, needles or having AIDS (One surprisingly asked if I had ever handled monkeys or their excretions. What?! Haha), the nurse took a blood sample. Lucky me I had a good iron count and everything was good for me to donate. Was I a baby for thinking the prick on my finger hurt? Man I am not prepared for this needle.

Now it was time, no more questions, no more delaying. I sat down on the big reclining chair and prepared to meet my fate. I was so nervous. Mike sat with me and held my hand. Again, I was so glad he was there with me. The nurse sanitized my arm with some sort of new wipe stuff, it took forever to dry. This dragged out the anticipation more so by the time she was ready to put in the real needle I was shaking so much. My legs were visibly shaking. She told me she was ready and I looked away as she put in the biggest needle into the crook of my arm.

Ow. Ok so it only lasted a couple of seconds but it was a strange feeling it staying in my arm. It kind of pulled / pinched a little but I think that was the tape and needle at a bad angle. Earlier the nurse explained to me what they do with the blood afterwards. There are three bags attached to your main blood bag that gets filled up. When they take the donated blood they divide up the different platelets n such and put them into the three different bags. So when you donate your blood goes to three different people.

My bag filled up in about five minutes. I was fine the whole time, I can’t believe it went so fast. So relieved she took the needle out and put a Band-Aid on. I was so happy and so proud to have accomplished that. I was so scared and I did it anyway and it turned out to be ok. It just lets me know when I’m afraid to do something I just need to guts to get it done. In the end I’ll feel better about doing it or getting it over with. There is kind of a moment of clarity where you understand everything better.

So I had some cookies and juice to make sure I wasn’t going to pass out afterwards. With a big smile I went home to relax and enjoy the rest of my day. Not once after did I feel dizzy or sick. Very happy about that! I just left with such an elated feeling of accomplishment. Can’t wait for the next goal…

Who the hell is Jacq?

I know there are so many people out there blogging away so one might stop and think who is Jacq and what is this list?

I'm not going to divulge a lot of personal information here so I'm just going to explain what I'm doing.

I have always been a lists person. Writing down what needed to be done, or bought etc. Here and there over the years I had thought about what I would want to do before I died, accomplishments and goals. You know the deal..we've all been there. But I'd never made a bucket list or ever really went about actually doing them.

A year or so ago I was really inspired by the show "The Burried Life" on MTV and decided to make a list. Probably the most important list I've made, and I don't know why it took til now to make it. So I sat down and the list was written; and every once in a while I add to it. But what made this different was that I was making an effort. That's what changed for me. I was making a concious effort to do the things on my list.

I decided that I would write down my experiences, why I had done them and what had changed for me afterward. Every accomplishment gave me such an elated feeling and more confidence in myself. I wanted to share that with people. Knowing that facing fears or crashing and burning can let you learn so much more about yourself and what you can do. And on top of that they are a bit of comic relief for everyone.

So that's what you guys are getting. My experiences. I'm not going to show you the list and they wont be accomplished every week or even every month. But the most important is that they are accomplished.