Friday, June 15, 2012

Two Worlds

I am a person trapped between two worlds. I always have been I guess. It was a lot easier when I was little cus I would simply be where my parents are. But now that I am grown it’s not that simple. This is becoming a bigger and bigger problem in my life.

I was born in Bermuda and lived there till I was about twelve. My family then moved to Waterloo Ontario in Canada. I went to junior high and high school there and have lived, off and on, in Canada ever since.  My family however one by one moved back and I have been going back and forth for years.

So that’s where I am. It would be different if I didn’t have memories of living in Bermuda, never went back there every summer, or had family there. But I have a life there, no matter how small.

There are so many things I love in both places, but they are two very different places.  It’s hard for me to choose. It’s especially hard when each has events that I love to participate in. There are distinct feels to each place.

In Canada I am in a big city, the world is my oyster. I could go anywhere, do anything. It’s a cheaper, easier and faster world. I am independent and have made my own life here, with work, school and travels. My boyfriend of 3 years is here and not anticipating moving anytime soon. He doesn’t even like travelling all that much. I have my own place and furniture and it’s an affordable place to be.  I love the city and also the country and Canada provides both.

But it is a cold place (of course) and sometimes a lonely one. I’m also not very mobile and have had to pass on numerous road trips and even a couple weddings because I couldn’t get around. It’s also not a place where people let go very often. I’ve often remarked on how hard it would be to put on that same kind of events Bermuda has in Canada. I can’t just go to the beach or have a house party or barbeque.

Bermuda is a much smaller place. While I give up my independence I do become way more mobile. I have a bike and can go anywhere at any time. I love the colors and beauty of the island. You are always five minutes from the beach or a park. I also love how town is a cute condensed place to be. Things aren’t spread out all over the island. The element of social activity is predominant here. People are always up for dinner or drinks or barbeques. Having a house and backyard as well is a freedom I don’t have here.

On the downside it is a small place. There is not much to do there so you can get stuck in spending and drinking a lot. I usually gain so much weight when I go down cus the only thing to do is go out. It’s an expensive place when that’s all you’re doing. If I ever lived there it would be absurdly pricy (furniture, apt, transportation etc.). Finally my family lives there and while I love them they can be annoying. They don’t really know me or understand me so it’s hard to constantly be pushed to do stuff.

I have recently started working for my sister. Her company is in Bermuda and it is a great opportunity to get experience and make some money. I’m also happy to help her gain more clients and business.

This is where I really feel the pull between the two places. I work from home in Toronto which is working for now but there are things that would be easier if I was at the office. However the thought of moving down there seems so daunting.

It’s a lot to think about and decide on. I still don’t know. When I’m here I’m home but when I go to Bermuda that fits too. I think it’s something that I’m always going to have to deal with. They’re both never not going to be home.

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