Your Zodiac Sign and if you think if fits your personality

I’m a Leo in the zodiac world. 

I think it does fit my personality as Leos are supposed to be outgoing and ambitious. Especially when I was younger I definitely fit the bill as someone who wanted to be centre stage. I was always outgoing and ready to meet the world and the people in it.

I think I’m still that way but I’m also a bit of an introvert. I like to be alone (however now thinking about it, I always want to be social as well) and depending on what it is I don’t mind working by myself.

I’m also a likeable person. I don’t know if people are drawn to me but I am always able to make them laugh and I can get along with almost anyone. 

Leo’s are also very creative and I can say that fits my personality very well. I don’t think I’m creative in the strictest sense (I’m no art student) but I think I’m able to think outside of the box and come up with creative ideas and pieces that I’m proud of. 

“Lions are outgoing, self-assured and have a tremendous zest for life.” I can agree with that though I think I bring a healthy dose of realism into that. I can doubt myself big time especially when it comes to my looks. I do however have a zest for life. I love travelling and being involved in various things. There are so many things that interest me I can’t take it all in at once. 

All of the attributes that Leo’s have I see in myself, even if they are buried deep inside. These are all things that draw me and attributes that I’d like to live up to. I think at the end of the day my zodiac sign might be something to live up to and strive for. Life has kicked me down and I need to step up my game and get back in. 

30 Interesting facts about yourself

This was surprisingly hard to do. I didn't really think I could come up with this many. It's surprising what you don't realize about yourself or what you think you do that is interesting.

1. I didn’t always have my beauty mark. It was my first chicken pox when I was 9
2. I have watched all 10 seasons of Stargate, including all the Atlantis seasons
3. Sometimes my mind pushes back from my body and I can see myself and my thoughts as something separate from me.
4. I don’t see any problem with sharing a toothbrush
5. I have traveled the world backpacking
6. I love to sing but am terrified to sing on stage with someone
7. I am very organized at planning trips and group activities
8. I talk to my cats on a regular basis
9. I love to read, almost anything, and i secretly love reading teen fiction
10. My hair is normally blonde, however I’d love to dye it purple and shave one side
11. I’m terrified that i’m going to end up fat like my mom
12. Every time it rains I love staring out the window at it
13. I honestly don’t think I have a best friend, in the girl sense of things. My boyfriends are usually my best friends
14. I have a bucketlist that i’d like to complete by the time I’m 40
15. I have a theory that my relationships, be it friends or boyfriends, only last a max of 2 years before they fall apart
16. I am in love with cilantro
17. I’ve never had a romantic night or candlelight dinner that I haven’t planned myself
18. I love surprises but have never been surprised
19. When I was younger for a long time I wanted to live in a tree among wolves
20. I love riding horses and am actually very good at it
21. Until about a year ago I had never done any drugs before
22. While I crave the idea, I don’t know if I’m cut out for the cookie cutter style of life
23. I would love to have a kid but don’t think my life is ever going to get together enough for me to be ok with having one
24. When I moved to Canada I saw seagulls and thought we were near the ocean
25. I am not a girly girl and have no idea how to use most makeup
26. I love to be in water and am an excellent swimmer
27. When I get scared or nervous I tend to stop breathing
28. I don’t think I have a real passion yet
29. Though I’m from an island I dislike sand and coconuts
30. I don’t mind being alone or going to things alone

Where I see myself in 10 years

As easy as this one is I find it very hard for me as well. Over the years I’ve realized of course I can make up lists of things I want to be and where I want to be but the actuality of these things and getting there may not be achievable or at least are very far fetched. 

I’ve always been someone who’s very truthful to myself and know myself pretty well. So when thinking of where I’m going to be and if I can get there I’m hesitant to go wild on it. Maybe that makes me very pessimistic. Maybe I’ve lost the excitement and drive to as Arbonners say to “Dream Big”. Can I do it? Do I simply not believe enough or am not driven enough to achieve them?

I have thought about where I’d like to be in 5 years. I’d like to buy a house and have some savings. Recently I’ve set some Arbonne goals and would like to be a RVP or NVP by 5 years. 

In 10 years I see myself living with Alejandro, maybe married. I’d love to have a kid however that does scare me a lot. Most of all I want to be financially stable. I’ve been working at that for years now and think i’ve found something positive to sink my teeth into that could get me there. I’d love to be able to take month long vacations each year somewhere and cross some things off my bucket list that way.

In 10 years I hope to be in advanced yoga and able to run a marathon, or at least have these be daily habits of mine.  I also want to be a more positive person and be able to dream bigger and help others dream bigger as well.

A moment I felt most satisfied with my life

There are very few times you can really look at your life and say theres when it was all together, theres when everything was perfect. However I’m a firm believer that not everything has to be perfect anyway.

The moment I felt most satisfied with my life would probably be when I was travelling. It was the only time I wasn’t worried about money or where I was going with my life, or even guys for that matter. I was just having fun and experiencing life. It was nice to find new places and new people and simply do that, work to do more of it, and that’s it. The downside to that is that at the end because I didn’t think of finances, I had no savings or cushion. It also meant that while I was experiencing life and things I wasn’t really working on myself or my mindset. 

I wasn’t rich or living the high life but I was happy. These experiences changed my life and how I live it. Having been open and okay with getting out of my comfort zone allowed me to learn and grow and most of all meet incredible people.

Even shorter trips fill me with a sense of excitement and satisfaction (which is something I don’t feel very often anymore). And while money and relationships run most of my life having something that truly excites me is defiantly something worthwhile.

Two Worlds

I am a person trapped between two worlds. I always have been I guess. It was a lot easier when I was little cus I would simply be where my parents are. But now that I am grown it’s not that simple. This is becoming a bigger and bigger problem in my life.

I was born in Bermuda and lived there till I was about twelve. My family then moved to Waterloo Ontario in Canada. I went to junior high and high school there and have lived, off and on, in Canada ever since.  My family however one by one moved back and I have been going back and forth for years.

So that’s where I am. It would be different if I didn’t have memories of living in Bermuda, never went back there every summer, or had family there. But I have a life there, no matter how small.

There are so many things I love in both places, but they are two very different places.  It’s hard for me to choose. It’s especially hard when each has events that I love to participate in. There are distinct feels to each place.

In Canada I am in a big city, the world is my oyster. I could go anywhere, do anything. It’s a cheaper, easier and faster world. I am independent and have made my own life here, with work, school and travels. My boyfriend of 3 years is here and not anticipating moving anytime soon. He doesn’t even like travelling all that much. I have my own place and furniture and it’s an affordable place to be.  I love the city and also the country and Canada provides both.

But it is a cold place (of course) and sometimes a lonely one. I’m also not very mobile and have had to pass on numerous road trips and even a couple weddings because I couldn’t get around. It’s also not a place where people let go very often. I’ve often remarked on how hard it would be to put on that same kind of events Bermuda has in Canada. I can’t just go to the beach or have a house party or barbeque.

Bermuda is a much smaller place. While I give up my independence I do become way more mobile. I have a bike and can go anywhere at any time. I love the colors and beauty of the island. You are always five minutes from the beach or a park. I also love how town is a cute condensed place to be. Things aren’t spread out all over the island. The element of social activity is predominant here. People are always up for dinner or drinks or barbeques. Having a house and backyard as well is a freedom I don’t have here.

On the downside it is a small place. There is not much to do there so you can get stuck in spending and drinking a lot. I usually gain so much weight when I go down cus the only thing to do is go out. It’s an expensive place when that’s all you’re doing. If I ever lived there it would be absurdly pricy (furniture, apt, transportation etc.). Finally my family lives there and while I love them they can be annoying. They don’t really know me or understand me so it’s hard to constantly be pushed to do stuff.

I have recently started working for my sister. Her company is in Bermuda and it is a great opportunity to get experience and make some money. I’m also happy to help her gain more clients and business.

This is where I really feel the pull between the two places. I work from home in Toronto which is working for now but there are things that would be easier if I was at the office. However the thought of moving down there seems so daunting.

It’s a lot to think about and decide on. I still don’t know. When I’m here I’m home but when I go to Bermuda that fits too. I think it’s something that I’m always going to have to deal with. They’re both never not going to be home.

Happiness??

I recently watch a TED talk on the subject of happiness and it got me to thinking about mine. I guess that’s a question everyone asks themselves every day: Will this make me happy? Am I happy? Etc… But I don’t think many of us really truly look at it from a deeper stand point. I mean other than regarding the current moment; we don’t ever take a step back and analyze our lives at a whole.

The talk was recommended to me by my boyfriend, not because he thinks I’m unhappy but because he knows I enjoy travel and it’s used as an example. 

The speaker’s main point was that we should separate our experience self and our memory self, and both have differences in happiness.  Or more clearly it’s the difference between us experiencing something and being happy in the present moment to moment and having a memory of an experience and how pleased we are with our remembered lives.

So the money question is am I happy? And most importantly what is happiness to me?

Truth is I’m not happy in my daily life. Most of my experience daily is a succession of let downs. Mostly because I set goals or expectations that I don’t live up to and I punish myself and feel bad for not doing better.

It’s a catch 22, I feel overwhelmed or unhappy trying to live up to these tasks or failing to do so; or because I worked so hard, went through adversity the reward makes me very happy.  So should I be unhappy in the moment to have a happier memory in the end?

This is mostly spurred on by money, health or accomplishing larger life goals. So is it just me that is not fulfilling my own dreams and experiences, ie I’m ruining my own happy experience?

I think in part it is. In terms of money I do feel happier when I have more money and am not worrying about making ends meet. When I was earning more I found I was more motivated and easier going with my daily life. So I was happy in one way. However I was miserable in my job and that unhappiness branched out into other aspects of my life. So was I really happy? I don’t think so.  And more so now that I am making less but am in a job that I like for a number of reasons I find I’m happier but also have to deal with the troubles of financial woe.

The speaker did mention that money does play a role in experiential happiness. For people that earn $60,000 their experiences and happiness during them don’t rise the more money they make, however people who earn less get more and more unhappy in their experiences in the struggle to make ends meet.  Both may have happy memories and be happy with their lives but their present moments of experience are unhappy. Is this happening with me?

Now besides money, I am a person spurred on by life experiences. I have been working on my bucket list and find while I am afraid and not having the best moment to moment experience at the time, the feeling of accomplishment and memory of the occurrences to me are worth it. So in that case I am very happy with my remembered life and memories. I don’t need to have a in the moment happy experience.

In terms of my traveling and love of doing it I think it hits both aspects of happiness. It is defiantly something I do for the memories and experiences and I remember them with fond recollection. I feel happy with my life for going around the world and doing strange things. My adventures make for good stories and connections with other people. Strangely I am also happy in the moment. During my travels I’m able to step back and appreciate what I’m experiencing. This is probably one part of my life where I am happy all the time before, during and after. That may be why I love doing it over and over again.

So what’s worth more to me? Current or remembered happiness? Deep down I believe my memories and remembered experiences are who I am and make a difference in how I act in the current moment.

Am I happy with my life? Yes I think I am. I’ve accomplished and done so many things I can only be happy with my memories. These have formed me into a person I am proud of. The thing I have to remember is to stop and smell the roses every once in a while. I need to make sure I live in the moment more and ensure I’m happy with it.

What do you think? What makes you happy?

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/daniel_kahneman_the_riddle_of_experience_vs_memory.html

Something to think about

I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love. I felt in myself a superabundance of energy which found no outlet in our quiet life.

- leo Tolstoy

Battling the Enemy: Motivation

I started this blog to remember my bucket list so I’d have a record of my experiences and thoughts before, after and during the adventures. I knew that I wouldn’t be posting them every day or even every week but I thought I’d keep up to date and regularly post something.

Turns out I’ve really been in the bad on posting anything. And what makes it worse is that means that I’m not doing anything either. No bucket list, no adventures, no nothing.

So why the nothing? Why the halt in my writing, my adventures, my action?

Meet my biggest enemy: Motivation

I am a procrastinator. I wont lie I am. Lazy would be another word but I feel like I am active ish and with all my travels, socializing, and adventures I can’t believe I’m too lazy. But there it is, procrastination is my middle name.

I think it comes from being scared to do something. I get nervous even building up to having to call and inquire about something important. As a child we never talked about our problems or how to solve them. You figured it out on your own. So mustering up the energy to do something or say something and it not work out is a huge blow; to not only not getting the thing done but also your ego. It’s another reminder you are alone in this, no one will be there to help you out or get you out of it.

It’s also a typical learn from example scenario. I grew up surrounded by people who didn’t follow through or put things off. Still to this day they are promising things they will never get around to doing. Now I work very hard to not be this way, cus that would suck and I hate letting people down. But I know I don’t follow through enough. And the person it hurts most is me.

Besides the deep seeded traits of my youth, haha, I think money has a huge effect on my motivation. Since I switched jobs and my money flow is now super tight I find it hard for me to get energized to do something. It’s a tug a war between the need to save money and the want to have a social life and have fun. Most of the time fun looses.

As I stay in more I tend to watch a lot of TV (I’ve already solidified my movie whore status, branching now into TV shows). This zombiehood in front of the TV ensures I’m not very active or motivated to do anything else. So in short it’s a number of reasons that escalate and snowballs into my stand still of laziness.

What does get me motivated?

Now I try to limit my TV consumption so I don’t get into that zone. That helps a lot. Staying away from the tube allows me to be in the now and get things done. However that also involves going out, maybe spending money, and sometimes not being able to just chill and relax, which is what I want to do most when I’m not working.

Also the weather plays a huge role on my mood. Like Superman or Captain Planet I get most of my energy from the sun. So when it’s sunny outside I get a rush of energy both physically and mentally. I’m more likely motivated to go for walks, be social or accomplish something (be it small or large task).

For years my boyfriend has been preaching the benefits and ideology of better eating and fitness. And while I agree with him I’ve always been a slow learner. Lately I’ve been taking a considerable effort to try to eat healthier, drink more water, and work out properly. After even a week and now two or three I do feel better and have a lot more energy. I have to admit I don’t feel as tired and it’s easier for me to get up and get things done. I’ve really noticed since I’ve slipped up and gotten back in bad habits that I’m tired, slower and less inclined to do stuff. So now I have to suck it up and admit defeat to that battle. He’s definitely going to rub it in my face….

In short what I’ve learned is that you need to focus to motivate yourself. While it’s easier and more comfortable to be lazy and do nothing life isn’t on the couch, it’s out there. I need to remember why I’m unmotivated and the reasons I should be and remember what gets me motivated. It’s my enemy and I can fight my own battles, cus the only person who can get me up and going is me.

5. Do A Nude Photo Shoot (accomplished June 26th, 2011)

Yeah I said Nude. Everyone who’s ever looked at a trashy tabloid is now thinking what! Why? Don’t do it! Nude pictures always come back to haunt those famous people. So what’s up with actually wanting to do and then have naked pictures of myself?  Why Not?!

When I first sat down to write a bucket list my main goal was two things: to accomplish something I’d always wanted to do and never did, and to push myself to accomplish the things I never did because I was scared or uncomfortable. The goal was to get out of my comfort zone, do something bold, get a rush.

So again, yeah I’m saying nude photo shoot. This one defiantly followed the pushing myself goal.

When I was younger I had so much confidence in myself, I was seldom scared of doing something. Even when I was picked on that didn’t stop me from doing what I wanted to do. But now, as an adult, that confidence was rocked. After surviving an awkward and slightly geeky high school experience and later on a horrible and long relationship it was hanging on by a thread.

Not to say I’m a secret cutter or anything but as for most people body image and confidence stops them from doing a lot.

It was my horrible and long relationship that gave me a body image complex. I gained a lot of weight and even after losing it my partner was lets just say unsupportive (asshole or abusive could be other words to use but we’re being nice here so unsupportive). He made me feel worthless. I forgot who I was. This vivacious and confident person.

I have gotten a lot of that back and finally feel like the old me. And I am so happy to be with someone who loves me and all my round and fleshy bits, every butt dimple and roll. So knowing that gives me a massive boost in ego.

Now I know I’m not ugly. I don’t want to sound full of myself, cus we just went through why I’m not, but I’m not deluded or thinking I’m an ugly hippo or something. I’m pretty. And normal in height and weight.

So when I thought about doing a nude photo shoot I felt it would push me, show me how beautiful I am, and be an experience I’d always remember (I’d have pictures after all!). Having a body image complex and not very close family or girlfriends I was uncomfortable with the idea of being naked in front of people. I had never done it before with anyone but a boyfriend. Even in changing rooms being topless was weird for me so this was going to be a big leap. That was my main reason, pushing my comfort zone, getting over this absurd fear.

The other reason was I think every girl dreams of having a photo shoot done. Where she’s glammed up, hair and makeup done, and feels like a million bucks. It’s glamorous and exciting. Were you’re the centre of attention and afterwards you have these photos of you that make you look amazing. They are the best view of yourself. I wanted to have that experience.

I especially was looking forward to the photos. To have something that showed how beautiful, sexy, exotic maybe I was. To remind me. I don’t think I photograph well so having a pro do it and touch them up seemed the best possible way of getting them.

I had looked up photographers and defiantly wanted someone not dodgy. I wanted to make sure I felt comfortable with them. Near Christmas I had found a great photographer online. It was a girl, which made me more comfortable, and she had an amazing portfolio that looked professional and classy.

In our emails and such, she came across as friendly and approachable. It was a lot of money but if I was going to do it I’d rather have someone I like and someone good. Randomly I checked her website and she had a special shoot deal that I just had to jump on. An hour shoot at the Soho Hotel for half the price of her normal shoot was a steal.

So the day of I got my hair done and did my make up. I kind of felt like a call girl getting a text with the hotel room number and going up but it turned out well when I got there. It was a really pretty suite and Katie and another girl photographer were there. They both had clients and would act as the other’s assistant while shooting.

I had brought some outfits and they picked out blankets etc and locations and then we got started. I was nervous but as I was starting mostly clothed (bra and thong) I sucked it up and jumped in. With two outfit changed I went from scantily clothed to not at all and man where did I get the courage to do that!

By the end I was very comfortable; although not the best at the sucking it in awkward posing that was involved. So after the hour I got dressed and headed back home with this feeling of happiness. I couldn’t believe I did it, accomplished it. Regardless of what the photos turned out I felt I changed my view point about myself. I’m a little more peppy, sexy, and confident.

A couple of weeks later I got 5 contact sheets with all the photos on it. I was shocked at how they turned out. I had no idea I could look like that. Picking my top five favorites I sent them back to get edited and photoshoped. I am so glad I got the chance to do this. I now have something to look at forever that reminds me that I’m a bold, gutsy, sexy, woman who believes in herself and can do anything she puts her mind to.

Getting Older

I am verging on late twenties. Eek. Ok so I know twenty seven isn’t that bad but when I was younger I defiantly had an idea that thirty was old and by then I’d have things all figured out. I’m starting to think, you never figure things out. It’s more of a stumble through. But back to the original topic who am I. Oh yeah verging on late twenties.

I think it was a couple of years ago that I looked around and realized everyone was living these lives that were totally different from mine. Everyone was graduating, buying houses, getting real jobs, some even kids or marriage. Where was I? When did we all decide to get here in our lives? And why didn’t I feel a part of it?

I think this was when I grew up. I didn’t think about my life very much before. Not that I didn’t wonder what I wanted to do job wise or things like that, I mean I don’t think I ever stopped and looked at the bigger picture. From the time I thought it as a kid to the time I am now, I never thought of marriage, kids, the whole lot as something that had a time limit or maybe needed to be planned out. I just thought it’d happen. Thought of it as the future, way in the future, when I was older.

But now everyone around me was doing just this. I looked around and thought should I be this person? I decided against it. I am not one to go with the crowd or change who I inherently am. But it did open my eyes. I should grow up. Even just a little.

This is the time when I really think I should buckle down and be a grown up. But who wants to do that.

I had traveled for six years after I graduated high school and so when I came back I felt a little lost. Everyone had moved on in their lives and were so far ahead of where most think you should be at my age. I took the road less traveled and, while I had an amazing time and gain so many experiences, I couldn’t help but now feel like I’m racing to catch up. To the big picture, whatever that is. I just need to find it. Making it a reality? Now that’s the hard part.

Play with a cub (Accomplished June 2nd, 2011)

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Travel Choices

Every time someone hears about my travels I inevitably get asked the same question: What is your favorite place? Where is the best place you’ve been (or some version of this)

Now this always puts me in a bad spot. The truth is I couldn’t tell you.

Let me give you some details. After I graduated high school I decided to go to Europe to backpack for a couple of months. Those couple of months turned into couple of years, and next thing I knew I had backpacked for over four years to almost 40 countries.

I’ve given a lot of thought into it and what place I would choose. There are a lot of places that I’ve been, some I loved and some I didn’t. But in my opinion the places that I’ve loved the most have been the ones I could picture living in. The ones I’ve taken the time to sit back, relax and just take in the city.

Most times I find you can get wrapped up in going around seeing the sights that you just don’t get to sit back and take in the actual place. So I’ve thought about it and made my best choices.

1. Paris

Beautiful. Not only does Paris have that relaxing just take in the city feel but it has sights and museums you can’t stop going to. A bit of a history nut I love going here. Every part of the city is seeping with some sort of story. And if you don’t like that kind of stuff there is always the food. Mmmm the food…

2. New York

Who doesn’t love this mecca? So full of arts, fashion, music and so much more. I feel like you could come here over and over again and still not full absorb the city. It has so many things to see and so many boroughs that are unique in their own way. Besides the movie and TV sights, you could spend a week just checking out all the cultural things around town. I love myself a bustling city and this one provides just that.

3. Australia Outback

I wouldn’t call myself a huge outdoors person but it’s hard to not get into the spirit of this place. So awe inspiring and massive it’s a combination of beautiful and deadly. I think I loved this place so much because it’s so out of your normal routine. Between hikes, camping outside, learning Aboriginal ways, taking in sunrises and sunsets, eating strange meat, and swimming in gorges that may or may not have crocs in it you really start to get into the swing of things. I love the live off the land type feel and couldn’t get enough of it.

4. London

This is defiantly where the people made the place. I live here for the longest so I was able to meet so many unique people. Having the time to go out and make memories in such a crazy city was amazing. I am also a nook and cranny person and the UK is full of that. London is so seeped in history and culture it’s hard to be bored here. It is also a great centre for travel, you are able to go anywhere pretty easily. I doubt I would love it the same way though with out the people I met there.

What do you think? What is your favorite place?

My love of Sci-Fi

Ok I’m going to admit it. I have a bit of an affinity for sci fi. Well maybe more than that. I think it’s got some good qualities…Okay I love it; you got it out of me. And I’m not talking about the cheesy aliens hard core weirdness of some shows and movies that we see everyday. I’m talking give me some wicked 90’s cheesy gold of a sci fi show.

I think it dates back to when I was young. My parents always read fantasy children’s books to me and I played alone, a lot. Imagination was my friend so naturally the thought of elves, gateways, magic, or other worlds didn’t faze me too much. It could be possible, why not? At least it was entertaining and far more interesting than our normal boring world.

So, now a grown woman, I’ve recently picked up my sci fi habit again and to be honest I’m loving it! That’s right guys, I’ve embraced the cheese. Let me just give you a short list of the Tv shows I have in my possession: all seasons of Stargate SG1 and the Atlantis, all seasons of Sliders (oh yeah Jerry how you rock my 90’s heart), Heros, Firefly, Buffy seasons, True Blood seasons, something called Kyle XY, regrettably sucked into Vampire Diaries, and I’ve even caught myself pulled into a Star Trek episode (however please don’t judge me as a treky). That’s not including the books which even I, a self admitted sci fi lover, can’t claim as nothing more than a nerd alert haha.

Just finishing the last season of Sliders I can’t help but remark on the awesomely lame effects and (sometimes) plot lines that I find myself loving anyway. I think this translates to all of the shows, which looking back all seem to be created in the 90’s. Yes the styles, the music, and the ridiculous overuse of lasers. The 90’s was where it all happened. So at least it's fun to watch even if your not a big fan.

So for all those who question sci fi and bulk at it’s awesomeness just think of the possibilities. It’s an escape into something you’ve never seen before and makes it more than entertaining to watch. If that doesn’t convince you then at least it’s a good laugh while watching, hey who doesn’t love a little bit of topless Jerry O’Connell.

Epic Nights

I’ve been thinking lately about epic nights out. Recently I watched The Hangover. You know the drunken binge of a night of ridiculous that none of them remember so much that they lost a whole person movie. Thinking about it this movie is kind of like Dude Where’s My Car with just better writing and replacing a car with a living person, wow people way to be creative.

In any case watching The Hangover made me try to remember my own drunken evenings. How often can we really say we’ve had an epic night? I was out the other day for a friend’s birthday and while I watched my friend drunkenly make out with a total stranger on the only whim that he was dancing close-ish I wondered, what makes a night amazing? How do you reach that level of epic? Is this night epic? I’m gonna throw out a no.

While I think these memorable nights are based on a certain level of drunkenness (and believe you me I have been working on the levels of my drunkenness for a while!) I don’t think a night of debauchery and epic-ness happens often at all.

In all my years of semi intoxication (who am I kidding full intoxication) and nocturnal shenanigans I can only count a handful of nights of epic proportions.

1. The German Ensemble

On this festive occasion, my friends Blair and I had purchased matching Oktoberfest costumes (his a lederhosen and mine a dirndl). You know those oh so sexy German milk maid dresses and overall looking shorts. These were most importantly stag shop velour Oktoberfest outfits. Oh yeah, as I said sexy.

During the night I was drunkenly convinced that my friend was going to make out with her cousin and refused to stay at her house. So I proceeded to pick up the guy I was talking to and grab a ride with him back to near where I lived. Unfortunately for me the “ride” I had thought was a cab was really a bus full of his pretty sober co-workers. We created a pretty elaborate back story about how this guy and I knew each other and I hopped on. Again, alas, I was the only one wearing any Oktoberfest paraphernalia (who goes to a beer hall and doesn’t even don a feathered hat? So who are they to judge my velour dirndl and giant feather? Bastards). I ended up making a good impression and went to their bar for after hours drinks. Needless to say I did not make it for class in the am.

As for Blair he had a great night too. While he was concerned about our friends “closeness” to her cousin he still went back with the rest of them to her place to crash (class was in the am and she lived near campus). In the morning Blair got up for class. He had passed out on the floor in his costume and when he woke up he could not find his glasses or normal clothes (they were right next to where he was laying). So that being said he proceeded to class on schedule, sat in the back of class hung-over, with two large cups of coffee in each hand, and his laptop in his green velour lederhosen for the 3 hours and then caught the bus home. Epic and hilarious.

2.  The Switch-a-roo aka The Sleeping Slip

While I was living at a hostel in the UK I was moving around rooms and beds for weeks. I ended up in a room with a good friend and a guy switched beds with me so we could share a bunk bed (her on the top bunk and me on the bottom). After a long night of dancing and beverages of the alcoholic nature I went upstairs and crashed in my bunk.

A few hours later I woke up to someone making out with me. Strangely though I thought I was dreaming of a guy I liked. After a minute, and waking up a bit more, I realized it was not a dream. I thought I was making out with the guy I liked and thought yay! And got more into it. After another minute, and now fully awake, I felt this guy’s face and realized wait a minute! This isn’t him! He doesn’t have an eyebrow ring.

Now fully awake I came to the realization that I was making out with a total stranger, and had been for at least five minutes, in the dark. Not that the making out wasn’t good but hey weird with a stranger. My decision was to feign drunkenness and shove him towards to other bunk like I was done with him, mumbling get into your own bed. He as drunk (or more so) as I passed out right away and was gone from the other bunk when I woke up.

So that is how I made out with a complete stranger in the dark. I am guessing it was the guy who switched with me and he drunkenly forgot that it wasn’t his bunk. It was just a plus that he found a girl in it when he got there. But alas to this day I can’t remember what he looked like.

3. The Sober Drunk

I had been traveling in New Zealand for a couple of months and had come back to Waterloo for a couple of days before flying home to Bermuda. If you hadn’t heard the jet lag coming back east is terrible and I was suffering big time!

What to do in two days in Waterloo? Party that’s what! I gathered up my girls and we hit the proverbial town. Now Waterloo’s not a huge hot spot but we did find “The Flying Dog” and decided to put on our dancing shoes. Donned in heels and my favorite little black dress I prepared for a long night.

I had stopped drinking for a while when I was in NZ so that night I hadn’t had any drinks. I was, for the whole time, completely sober. We proceeded to dance, a lot. I mean pros would be tired after all the dancing we did. And with heels I was extra proud of us. From 9 till 2am we carved up the dance floor and scoped out “the talent”.

Picking up some people and an odd but nice guy we dubbed DJ Random we left the bar for some after hours drinks. After potentially the longest cab ride ever we ended up at DJ Random’s place. Pumping up the music we proceeded to party what was left of the night away. As I was jet lagged I was wide awake. I’ve never had that much energy going out before, and let me just say my moves were on fire!

We rolled out of DJ Random’s about 6:30am and on the drive back, still were super pumped. For about 2 minutes we seriously thought about continuing on the party and driving to Niagara Falls (where I was flying out the next day). But after some reason from the driver we decided against and all went home for some r-n-r.  I think that was the first time I’ve ever partied that hard with out any alcohol, and it certainly was the longest!

4. Random Strangers

I had just traveled to New Zealand with my friend Yanna and were staying at our friend Greg’s place. After a long road trip we came back to Greg’s place to bunk down but couldn’t seem to find him or his roommate.  Setting our stuff down we walked a couple houses down to see if we could find his best friend Kieran.

Again not finding Kieran we did however run into his four male roommates. Meeting them for the first time we made quick friends and decided to have some drinks with them.

Drinks turned into drinking games. Really getting into the party spirit we jumped in one of the boys trucks and headed to the local bar on campus. With some dancing and very country town drinking (they have a meat auction, actually auction off slabs of meat at the bar wow talk about small country town) we drank and partied, drank and partied till the bar closed.

After falling in some bushes and piling in the back of the truck we cranked the music to its top volume and drove (more recklessly than necessary, our DD was pretty stupid) down the “main” street in town.

Skidding slash donuting on to the front lawn we poured out of the truck. Next thing I knew the doors were open, speakers blaring and we were dancing on the front lawn. I blinked and all of a sudden we all had drinks, blinked again and Kieran was there, blinked again and he was downstairs drink in hand. What was going on! Next I looked up and everyone was topless. So there we were topless and dancing on the front lawn of our host’s best friend with four strangers (pretty much) on one of the most random unplanned nights ever.

After some calming down we went inside to chill and have more drinks. We ended up having to bribe the boys with pancakes to get outta there.

2. Get a Brazilian Wax (Oct 14^th, 2010 accomplished)

It’s embarrassing I know. The idea of waxing some part of your body is always a little awkward and done a little hush-hush. And it always seems to be a bit of a taboo no-no when it comes to talking about it. It admits to people that you are shh… hairy, that you are not perfect. And who wants to admit to themselves, let alone other people, that they aren’t ideal. Which is a ridiculous idea because of course you are not perfect and people don’t want you to be. Maybe it’s that stereotype that has been engrained in us since we were little. Women are supposed to be smooth and sexy, men expect it. So waxing is done but maybe not so much flaunted or talked about.

So here I am. Embarrassed. Not only was I going for a wax but I was going all the way (or as far as you can go in the waxing world). They call it a Brazilian.  It is the most known of bikini waxes, and involves the removal of all hair in the pelvic area, front and back, while sometimes leaving a thin strip of hair in front. Now being a novice in the waxing world I have never gotten anything done before. It’s only been a couple of years since I started getting my eyebrows done. So the idea of a Brazilian was a crazy one.

Now I’m not going to lie. I was also terrified, embarrassed and terrified. Cus not only was it an area not talked about it was going to hurt…a lot. As I mentioned before I had gotten my eyebrows waxed numerous times and had endured one underarm waxing that I almost stopped in pain.  They all hurt, every time. Now that was something I had gotten used to. It wasn’t too bad. But let’s just say the area I’m talking about now…way more sensitive.

The underarms I figured were similar in sensitivity so I did that first as a try. It killed and hurt so bad I almost made her stop. Granted I feel the place wasn’t the nicest and didn’t have good wax. So I convinced myself that it wasn’t an accurate description of how it would feel.

To deter that incident again I decided to go to my salon in Waterloo where I get my hair done. They have a pretty nice spa and I’ve gotten my eyebrows done there with very little pain. I was sure my experience there would be a better one. So it was a whole day at the salon and spa for me.

Getting there I was nervous and told them so a lot. I undressed and they gave me a paper thong like thing to put on. This above all was the weird thing for me. It was so loose and large (I’m guessing one size fits all) it just seemed a bit of a moot point. But I guess it gives people a sense of privacy. With a special kind of pink wax my lady waxed away my privates till I was bald.

Taking longer than I thought let me assure you, it hurt. Oh my god it hurt. It was the scene from 40 year old virgin and I was cussing out the spa lady. This was a bit awkward as she was 7 months pregnant and I threatened to maim her. But we both got by unharmed, relatively as I was in pain.

I immediately felt very naked. I don’t know why but I was very aware now of my neither regions. After a day or two I did tend to like it. It was nice not having to keep it trimmed and pretty and I didn’t have to worry about shaving for weeks. And may I add the boyfriend didn’t mind it a bit, it was only rave reviews in the bedroom.

I don’t know if I ever mentioned why I wanted to do this. Why go through all this pain, especially when I know that it is going to hurt before hand. The answer..I don’t really know. I think it was I was afraid, I knew it was most likely going to hurt a lot and I wanted to conquer my fears. Facing fears, isn’t that was all this bucket list is about. Doing something you normally wouldn’t. I also thought it’d be a win win as not only would I be facing my fear and pain but I also wouldn’t have to the chore of maintaining that area.

In the end, while embarrassing and very awkward it was worth it. I did feel so excited that I accomplished my goal. A painful experience I don’t know if I would do it again, however I do entertain the idea every once in a while.

1. Donate blood (Sept 23^rd Accomplished)

Now I know this doesn’t sound like such a big deal. A lot of people give blood and do it often. Not too life accomplishing or goal worthy. But for me it was just this; A goal on my bucket list and something that I thought of as terrifying.

I don’t know why I wanted to do this so badly but I did know that it scared me. In my books doing something that scares you, getting over that fear, is something to strive for. So donating blood was put in as the first thing on my list.

Why did it scare me so much? A lot of reasons I guess. I had given blood once before years ago in high school and I don’t remember having any trepidation about it. But I do remember getting very sick afterwards. There was an adventure of blacking out and throwing up on multiple occasions that day at school. Fun. After that I was sick for months. Nothing serious but life wasn’t too great. Even with that I don’t think it was the reason I was so afraid of donating blood. A big reason was needles. Who isn’t scared of needles, and this one is big and stays in your arm for a while.

When I sat down to make the list this was something I knew I wanted to try it again. Firstly to get over my fear but also to help people. I know giving blood is important and saves lives. In my own little way this will help and in the end I know if I was ever hurt and needed it someone did it for me. It was a karma thing I guess in my head.

So one fateful Thursday I headed down to the King and University blood clinic. There was a lot of bulking but Mike kept me in line and going to the clinic. It’s strange how easy it is to say you’re going to do something and how hard it is to follow through. That’s why I love Mike so much. He gives me the gumption, the motivation to follow through.

There is some prep you should do before just heading to give blood, and from my last experience I wasn’t taking any chances. If you want to give blood you have to take care of you. For instance no gym on blood day. Most importantly food is key. You have to make sure you have a good big meal before you go. One that is high in iron and protein is the best way. We had a huge steak stir-fry with heaps of pro iron veggies and I indulged in some sugar as well.

The clinic was pretty empty so I didn’t have to worry about not having an appointment. After filling out a bunch of questions mostly regarding sexual matters or using drugs, needles or having AIDS (One surprisingly asked if I had ever handled monkeys or their excretions. What?! Haha), the nurse took a blood sample. Lucky me I had a good iron count and everything was good for me to donate. Was I a baby for thinking the prick on my finger hurt? Man I am not prepared for this needle.

Now it was time, no more questions, no more delaying. I sat down on the big reclining chair and prepared to meet my fate. I was so nervous. Mike sat with me and held my hand. Again, I was so glad he was there with me. The nurse sanitized my arm with some sort of new wipe stuff, it took forever to dry. This dragged out the anticipation more so by the time she was ready to put in the real needle I was shaking so much. My legs were visibly shaking. She told me she was ready and I looked away as she put in the biggest needle into the crook of my arm.

Ow. Ok so it only lasted a couple of seconds but it was a strange feeling it staying in my arm. It kind of pulled / pinched a little but I think that was the tape and needle at a bad angle. Earlier the nurse explained to me what they do with the blood afterwards. There are three bags attached to your main blood bag that gets filled up. When they take the donated blood they divide up the different platelets n such and put them into the three different bags. So when you donate your blood goes to three different people.

My bag filled up in about five minutes. I was fine the whole time, I can’t believe it went so fast. So relieved she took the needle out and put a Band-Aid on. I was so happy and so proud to have accomplished that. I was so scared and I did it anyway and it turned out to be ok. It just lets me know when I’m afraid to do something I just need to guts to get it done. In the end I’ll feel better about doing it or getting it over with. There is kind of a moment of clarity where you understand everything better.

So I had some cookies and juice to make sure I wasn’t going to pass out afterwards. With a big smile I went home to relax and enjoy the rest of my day. Not once after did I feel dizzy or sick. Very happy about that! I just left with such an elated feeling of accomplishment. Can’t wait for the next goal…

Who the hell is Jacq?

I know there are so many people out there blogging away so one might stop and think who is Jacq and what is this list?

I'm not going to divulge a lot of personal information here so I'm just going to explain what I'm doing.

I have always been a lists person. Writing down what needed to be done, or bought etc. Here and there over the years I had thought about what I would want to do before I died, accomplishments and goals. You know the deal..we've all been there. But I'd never made a bucket list or ever really went about actually doing them.

A year or so ago I was really inspired by the show "The Burried Life" on MTV and decided to make a list. Probably the most important list I've made, and I don't know why it took til now to make it. So I sat down and the list was written; and every once in a while I add to it. But what made this different was that I was making an effort. That's what changed for me. I was making a concious effort to do the things on my list.

I decided that I would write down my experiences, why I had done them and what had changed for me afterward. Every accomplishment gave me such an elated feeling and more confidence in myself. I wanted to share that with people. Knowing that facing fears or crashing and burning can let you learn so much more about yourself and what you can do. And on top of that they are a bit of comic relief for everyone.

So that's what you guys are getting. My experiences. I'm not going to show you the list and they wont be accomplished every week or even every month. But the most important is that they are accomplished.